Thoughts just thoughts that are plaguing my brain
I had a parent this week call me and chew me out for his kiddo missing three minutes of recess. It was a hard thing for me and I am struggling to shake it. One because I feel wounded by the whole interaction. Here is a man who has never met me and has no idea who I am from Adam and before requesting a conference or even having a reasonable conversation with me he assumes that I am out to get his child and that I have the worst intentions for him.Thus he reaps insults on my teaching philosophy and who I am in the classroom before ever seeing me face to face or listening to what I have to say.
In my heart that is so vurniable and open with my kids this is a hard thing to understand. When I tried to talk to him about policies in my classroom I was cut off and told that there was never a reason for his child not to have all of his recess. What I wanted to say was, "well if you are willing for your child to achieve at lower standards then every other child in my classroom and you are willing to allow your child to tell you half truths then I suppose I am also willing to allow this to happen." Is that how I responded? of course not, but by his behavior you would think that I had beaten his child in school.
It never ceases to amaze me that in everything we do in our community of learners there can still be such huge gaps and misunderstandings between parents and teachers. I spend hours a day with these children trying to instill within them a confidence of themselves as learners and people. I work diligently to give everyone a chance to speak and be real within our class, and I am probably one of them most overly reflective teachers I know...often to my own deteriment. How then I ask myself can such misunderstandings and abuse happen between parents and teachers?
I come to this conclusion.... Quite honestly I think the basis of such interactions is fear. I understand that there is a fear of children not being treated with respect, I too suffer from this fear with my own child. I fear that because Miriam is a unique child she will not be held with care as others are,and that because she is overly bold she will be targeted within the classroom as something that she is not. I have a fear that someone else guiding her on a daily basis will affect what I have worked so hard to instill in her and I have a fear that not being present will affect how she sees the world. It is hard to let go and trust that another human who joins me in the journey of education could/would seek to understand her the way that I do. If I as an educator struggle with this how much more so do my own parents?
And so now I am left with the question of how to alleviate these fears within the parents of my own classroom community? Is this even my responsibility? What part do I carry in supporting students and families alike?
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3 comments:
You are not a broken teacher. You are a strong teacher who has a parent from hell. I had one of these last year that made me want to quit my job on a daily basis. It got to the point where she was not allowed to contact me. I stood my ground and didn't let her daughter have a different set of rules. It was difficult but I know I was the better person in the end. It was never easy to have her child in my class but if I documented everything down to how many days late something was I was never going to be in the wrong. You have your rules and if the parent wants them to be changed then maybe they should go back and become a teacher. Stick your ground and you will survive. Remember you are strong no matter what other might have to say.
Didn't know how to respond to this one at first, although I had a feeling Wendy would after her ordeal last year (smile).
What keeps coming to mind is what we all learned in the courage cycle- that the people we meet in the hallways every day, the parents who drop their kids off in front of the school each morning, and even the people in the classrooms next door all have a story. We all react to things differently depending on what we've been through in life, and that included the parents of those kids we see in the classroom.
As teachers, we have no idea of the fears and insecurities parents and kids may have as a result of life. For me, it just helps to know that whether or not I know the story, there is a reason that people behave the way that they do. It may not always be nice, or right, but if we knew the story, it would perhaps be understandable.
You may never know what this parent's story is, but know that there is one, and that he believes he's doing the best thing possible for his child. After all, he doesn't know your story, either.
Good luck,
T
Bekah,
I am so sorry you had to go through this....but your thoughtful analysis reveals your capacity for careful reflection and a search for that inner teacher. I am impressed by your ability to articulate and summarize such strong feelings, but then I already knew that about you from our time together. What I know for certain is that you are not broken. Wounded? Yes. But not broken. You are amazing.
Kay
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